Goodbye 21.

Dear 21,

You were an absolutely fabulous year and I can’t believe how fast it has flown by. It seems like only yesterday that I was celebrating turning 21 and now here I am typing this at 22. To be honest when we started this year long journey together I really wasn’t sure if I was going to see it out but I have never been happier to turn a year older. I made it. I managed to fight off all the demons that were dragging me down with them and here I am fighting them off with my words of wisdom. I guess this post is being dedicated to the what the last year has taught me and about my journey from 21 to 22, how it has moulded me into the person I am today and my 21 reminders to help bring some happiness to your day.

I know I will never forget about my recovery journey but it is time to stop dwelling on the sadness of the past. I can’t let whats happened in the past or whats going to happen in the future destroy my happiness in the present. I have spent too long living in fear from my eating disorder and my own mental health to allow irrational fears to continue ruining opportunities for me.

The person I have become over the last year and the person I now see when I look in the mirror is someone I have never seen before, or at least I had almost forgotten. I am happy, I am confident, and also the healthiest I have been for years. It’s refreshing to look at the person staring back at me and not see soulless eyes in sunken sockets but instead see brighter skin and a glint back in my eye. It’s so enjoyable to have the energy to do things, even the simplest of things like get out of bed or tidy my room where as before this would have wiped me out. Don’t get me wrong, getting out of bed is still difficult most mornings but thats just because I am not a morning person, plain and simple!

I finally have the confidence to wear nice clothes and not be worried about showing off my scars on my legs and wrists. After struggling with self harm for several years both my arms and legs became decorated with scars which I have always been very ashamed of but I wanted to thank you 21, for giving me the confidence in myself to not be embarrassed by my past. To be able to embrace the marks on my body and know that even though I don’t feel that pain anymore, they represent the strength I had to overcome and battle through some of the darkest days of my life and to not give in.

21 taught me to stop playing the victim and to accept the fact that I am growing and learning every day and that’s okay. It’s okay to have bad days but that doesn’t mean that I am back where I was when I started recovery, no matter how much it can feel that way. 21 has taught me that no matter what happens, we can endure more pain than we can ever think possible and still come out fighting on the other side. I am so proud of myself for getting through the last few years and finding the strength within my self to carry on fighting to get better.

21 has taught me a lot of things but here are 21 little reminders that I have learnt for myself over the last year and what I now try to focus on particularly when I am having a bad day. I hope that they help you like they help me.

1. Everything you need is within you.
2. You are beautiful just the way you are.
3. You are stronger than you realise.
4. You are enough.
5. You are not alone.
6. You are loved.
7. You are so so brave.
8. Your worth is not defined by your weight.
9. Your worth is not defined by what others think of you.
10. Comparison will steal your happiness.
11. Believe in yourself.
12. Your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters.
13. Respect your need to rest.
14. Be the reason someone smiles today.
15. Grow through what you go through.
16. Be true to yourself.
17. Be kind.
18. Love your body, it is the only one you will get.
19. Heal at your own pace.
20. Accept the unknown.
21. Be yourself because that’s the best person you can be.

I’m not an expert and I only talk from personal experience but recovery is without a doubt, the best thing I have ever done for myself. I spent half of my year being 21 and fighting for my health, through therapy, hospital visits and doctors appointment. I spent the second half living a life through these 21 little notes/tips/reminders whatever you want to call them and learning to love myself again.

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This week I got to celebrate my 22nd birthday with the best group of friends I could ask for. I am lucky enough to have people by my side who have encouraged me to be the best version of myself that I can be and to celebrate in Liverpool with them, getting beyond drunk was one of the funniest days I have had in a long time. Thank you all for making it the best start to being 22 I could have ever had.

21, you were a hell of a year but in the words of Taylor Swift “I don’t know about you but I’m feeling 22”

Peace and Love always,

Beth 💗🌸💗🌸💗🌸💗🌸